50 firsts : a simple love of 50 years in marriage

Watching a young couple in love is joy, but watching an aging couple in love is bliss. In many ways, fifty years of marriage speaks for itself and an accomplishment to celebrate. Finding the right words that will do the justice is not easy. One of the greatest gifts any parents can give to their children is a loving example of how wonderful marriage can be. Kudos to my dearest parents, Lim Bock Lian and Ang Leong Way, who have lived and cherished their marriage for 50 years. Their marriage life is simple, looks ordinary yet remarkable, and it is one that seems to grow dearer with time. It is certainly a life time of dreams come true, a life of love and pains, trust, honor, partnership, tolerance, tenacity, and with utmost respect for one another at all stages in marriage - good or bad. When writing this article, I reminisce what has happened in the past, and bring back many memories - the joy they bring, the way they care, the help they give, the times they share, the pains they bear, their special way of being there for reasons large and small, all keep them close within the heart. For it is clear that love and forgiveness play a very important and special part. Dad and mum grew up during the 2nd World War and life was difficult. Dad has primary education and mum did not go to school at all. Both started working in their teens for a living. I had asked my parents how they met, and mum said one of my great grand aunts match made them when they were in their early twenties. They dated for a short time going to open-air movies, sharing a hawker meal by the beach where the Bedok Army Camp now sits, and visiting one another’s family. Mum claimed that they went to cinema only once in their courtship, and it was at the defunct Alhambra cinema at Beach Road. Dad proposed to mum after that and I count myself lucky that they ended up together, or else I wouldn’t even be here today! After marriage, my parents lived together with my Dad’s extended family of six in small old shop house off Beach Road. Dad continued working in HSBC bank for the next 35 years till retirement, whereas mum became a full time housewife thereafter. My parents’ personalities are poles apart. Dad is a thrifty man. Rain or shine, he walked 5km from home to office everyday just to save on the bus fares, and did the same on return. Mum would get up everyday at 5am to cook breakfast and prepared his lunch box. Dad is a man of very few words, attentive to details, not comfortable in crowd, totally loyal and dedicated at work and family. His expression of love and care is being around for the family everyday. He likes reading the newspapers and listening to radios, otherwise, he quietly fixed things in the house at his own pace. Mum is a devoted and self-sacrificing wife and mother all her life. She tends to look at the big picture, gets things done quickly, very protective over her loved ones, sensitive and of course like most mothers, likes to nag. Mum loved to sew and cook. She used to sew clothes for my sister and I for Chinese New Year, cooked delicious traditional Hokkien food, and even prepared banquets for family and relatives on many festive occasions by herself. In her younger days, her boundless energy amazed everyone. On those occasions when dad was hospitalized, mum would not leave him unattended even for a day. She would keep vigil by his side or insisted one of us to do so despite doctors’ assurance. They value simple life-style: going on long bus rides to visit different places in Singapore, having a meal at a food court or watching television at home together is good enough joy for them. They have their daily squabbles now and then, but somehow they consciously know how to avoid crucial situations where one or the other got on the other’s nerves, and how to burry the hatchet and forgive. With age, the stresses of parenting and economic hardship in early days, and now supplanted by medical problems of old age, it seems like life has never been a picnic; yet my parents never stop trying and never stop giving from their hearts. There are many different stages to love in a marriage, and my parents must have been through every one of them in the past 50 years. I did ask them both to share what is the secret of being married for fifty years. My mum’s answer was living in simplicity and dad’s answer was someone who shares the sanctity of marriage. From them, I have also learnt about the truth in “less is more” - it is not about what they have or the things they do together, but how are together as one. Dad and mum, you hold our hands for a moment, but our hearts forever. You enrich our lives through many more years to come. You taught us the true meanings of devotion, commitment and love, thank you for the example you have given to each one of us about how to make a marriage last. Spending half a century in love with one person is a wonderful statement about the gift of married life. Photo Credits: National Archives Singapore and Eric Tan